Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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