She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize