YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
