You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
