I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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