just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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