I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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