I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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