nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
