I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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