So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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