Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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