are you still at the devil's house?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
