Just cropdusted the office
please come you make the beer taste better
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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