YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
