tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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