it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
