i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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