So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
4 words: hood of his car
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
