How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize