Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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