It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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