he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
