I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Small penises have feelings too.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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