I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
