the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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