and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
