I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
