good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
