We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
