I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
