I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
