This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
