he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my sisters under your porch take her home
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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