An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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