She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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