He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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