Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
