Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
pop tarts are not kleenex
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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