This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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