Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
