My Higher Power is John Stamos
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
