Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
