You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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