i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
