Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
