all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
