I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
