All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
