he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
