You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
