I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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