Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
