Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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