I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
