I heard we made out
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
