I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
