Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
