Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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