I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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