the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize