my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
