oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
