I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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