You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
