so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
