Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
