Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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