Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
