My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize