Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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