Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
