I'm sorry my penis didn't work
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
