someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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