I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
