At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
