But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
