she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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