im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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