He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
