toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
