omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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