Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
