I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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