I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize